Wake Up Call

Wake up, Europe, WAKE UP!!!
I´ve written another blogpost that I was supposed to type in and upload today. But it will have to wait (don´t worry, it will come later). Because today, my heart got stirred by something else.

The last days the news, and my Facebook feed, Instagram feed, and pretty much everything else has been filled up with photos I´ve wanted to avoid (you might be shocked and appalled to hear this, but bear with me) because to see them does something with me, and leaves me changed, unable to go on just as nothing has happened. It makes me see and feel all the selfishness thats in me, that I don´t want to admit I still have. My church has had a fast- and prayer week this week (optional, off course, and fasting from whatever and as much as you want, but that´s besides the point here..) and at church today, my pastor, while talking about the offering, showed some of these photos, and read from Isaiah 58. And it moved me, left my heart stirred once again. And I realize I have to do something about my selfish ways, and I cannot stay silent anymore. 

If you haven´t realized yet, there´s a lot of problems going on around the world today, and I´m not gonna pretend to have the solution to solve every single one of them, but as a society, we in the so-called western countries tend to turn our back to it for as long as we possibly can. As long as the problem doesn´t involve us, we tend to look at the news, talk a whole two seconds about how terrible it is, and then turn around and continue with our lives. A few years back I were teaching some teenagers about injustice, and I showed them a short video-clip from the movie ”Hotel Rwanda” when a reporter has got on tape some of the horrible massacres that were going on in Rwanda. The hotel owner tells the guy he´s glad he filmed it, and hopes for someone in the rest of the world to intervene, to finally step in and do something. But the reporter answers: ”I think, if people see this footage, they´ll say, ”oh my God, that´s horrible” and then go on eating their dinners.” And unfortunately, he was right, the rest of the world, did nothing, until it was to late, and millions of lives were slaughtered down. I´m sad to see we haven´t changed much since then, we still turn our back when the battles and injustice happen in other countries, in other parts of the world. And partly, I get it, it´s hard to know what to do and how to help, there are so many examples of us trying to help that didn´t turn out so good. But still, if we´re silent and turn our backs then, the people there tend to try to run away. And then we end up with the horrible photos of refugees just doing everything they can to try to survive as they flood into Europe. We end up with countries like Greece and Italy, who might have enough problems of their own, to also have to try to handle this flood of refugees coming into their countries, simply because they are the closest. And is it fair that they should help them alone just because if not, it´s their coastlines that will fill up with the bodies of the ones who didn´t make it?

Wake up, Europe!! It´s time to act, time to take a stand, for those less fortunate than us, for those who´s just trying to escape the horror, war and injustice going on where they came from. We can´t let Greece and Italy stand alone, we need to stand together. It´s to late to just help them where they´re at, we needed to wake up years ago if that´s all we wanted to do. Now, we need to embrace them, take them in, and help them get a new life. Even if that might intervene with my comfortable everyday life. Trust me, before all of this started, most of them had good lives where they were. They might never have wanted to leave. But things happened, we turned our backs, and now all they can do to survive, for their families to survive, is to flee. Let´s stand together with them, let´s take them in, make them feel welcome, help them overcome all the trauma they´ve been through, both before they left and during they´re flight. Let them, when they arrive and believes they´re finally safe, not still have to fight to survive, but let´s stretch out our hands and say welcome. Let´s give up our selfish ways (because, admit it, that´s really the only reasons we have for not doing anything), and let them in, take a load of their backs and give them hope for the future again.

«“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter— when you see the naked, to clothe them, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. Then you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I. “If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday.»
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭58:6-10‬ ‭NIV‬‬‬‬‬‬

Wake up, Europe! (and yes, I´m talking as much to myself as to anyone else), it´s about time we stand together to deal with all the refugees coming across the Mediterranean. If you, like me, don´t know what to do, let´s stand together and pray, both for the refugees in southern Europe, and the situations in all the countries they come from. And let´s pray our hearts, minds and eyes are open to see the times and the opportunities we get to actually act. Let´s pray for our politicians to do the right thing, let them know that we want them to act, that we are willing to sacrifice some of our own comfort to see others get the help they need. Let´s get rid of our selfish ways.  Europe, it´s time to  WAKE UP, and ACT!!!

drifting...

A few years back I was reading this thing in Jeremiah that I’ve read so many times before. But this time it kinda jumped out at me, and it felt as if God was giving me a promise. The time went on, and I didn’t see it fulfilled, but somehow I was still sure, this was a promise from God, for me, for this time. Have you ever been there? You can’t really tell how, but you just know. Then just after New Year’s about a year ago, being tired of the wait, of feeling lost, and wanting to really be able to move on, I got this feeling, that I really believed was from God; “next New Year’s Eve I’ll be able to look back at the year and point out the exact time the fulfillment of that promise came”. And, as always, I had my ideas of what it would look like, and how that would happen.

A year has passed, and when NYE came this last year, I really could look back at the year, and point out when, if not the total fulfillment of that promise came, at least the start of the process of getting there. But I have to admit, it didn’t look anything like what I hoped, or even wanted a year ago. The truth is; if I had known what it would look like, I might not even have wanted it…

Over the years, in trying to be someone else than who I really was, because I thought that was who someone else wanted me to be, I lost parts of who I am. It’s so easy, to drift away, without even noticing it. Until you suddenly find yourself at a place where you don’t recognize yourself, and you’re not even sure where or when you got lost. If you’ve ever been there, you know that’s a hard place to be, you’re just feeling lost and out of place. For me, it made it hard to trust, and my heart grew harder. But I just love the way God times everything just perfect. Using the right place and the right people, he started to soften my heart. And at the exact right time, when, even though you don’t know yourself, you’re ready, He touches your heart, and, what you might not have wanted a while ago, you now realize is what you really need. And you start to find yourself again. For me, I see it in the small things, like the fact that it takes nothing to move my heart and make me cry (which might not always be fun, especially not when you’re on stage, and have to stay there for at least one more song, before you can get off to check if your makeup is all over your face…), or the fact that I once again take time to really enjoy watching our Norwegian winter sports athletes, even outside the big events like the Olympics or, like recently, the World Championship. Yeah, I might sometimes still try to please everyone, but I know more who I really am.

So, wherever you find yourself, be true to who you are, don’t try to be someone else just to impress someone, or because you think that’s what they want (yeah, there might be things we need to change about ourselves, but that’s not what I’m talking about now…) Be yourself, the beautiful self that God created you to be. And if you, like me, suddenly find yourself somewhere where you don’t know how to get back, give it to God; He is able to help you find your way back, no matter how far you’ve drifted. Only there can you once again move forward in the right direction, into all the new and amazing (and sometimes scary) things God has planned for you. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, btw, read all the way from verse 1-14, it’s quite amazing to read it in context... I might write something on that someday as well…)

center of my life...

I guess most have heard the story about how Jesus fed the 5000 men (plus women and children) with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. But then the story continues to tell how after everyone was fed and Jesus had preached to them and stuff, Jesus leaves everyone. And, as so often before, He goes up into the mountain to be alone. (I love how the Bible tells again and again how Jesus before or after big events went to be alone with God. When He needed it, how much more don´t I..?) The story goes on telling how, when evening came, the disciples went down to the lake. It was dark, Jesus had not come yet, and maybe they felt a storm coming on. So they decided to go on to cross the lake without Him. You´ve probably also heard the story of how Jesus then came walking to them on the water, probably almost scaring them to death before they realized who it was..

But the story goes on, and tells how the next day, the people started looking for Jesus where He had given them food. But He wasn´t there, they knew there had been only one boat, and they had seen the disciples leave without Him. They went over to the other side, and found Jesus there. When they did, they asked Him, ”when did You get here?” and I just love how He replies. Of course He could have gone on telling about this amazing miracle when He walked on water, and I can imagine the disciples jump in, telling how truly great it was, how scared they were (although some probably would pretend to have been brave..) and how even Peter tried to walk to Him on the water as well (even though John actually doesn´t write the bit about Peter). He could have really painted a picture of how great He is, and how He rules over everything, even nature. And then try to make them realize for real who He actually was. But no, Jesus doesn´t say anything about that. He goes on, almost rebuking them; saying ”you´re looking for me only because I fed you for free...” (the maria translation...) It goes on in John 6:27-30 ””Do not work for food that spoils, but for food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give you. For on him God the Father has placed his seal of approval.” then they asked him, ”what must we do to do the works God requires?” Jesus answered, ” the work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent.” so they asked him, ”What sign then will you give that we may see it and believe you?” ” and they go on into a debate about the manna the Israelites ate in the desert and so on. But through it all, it seems like Jesus is trying to make them realize this; It´s not about what work I do, or what Jesus does, all it comes down to, is who do I believe? Where do I put my trust? It´s not about signs, wonders, miracles, and all that stuff. All it really comes down to, is who do I believe? Do I put Jesus first, at the center of everything?

The vision of my church starts with: ”We see a Jesus-loving church...” and I just love that. A Jesus-loving church will always have Him as the center, will always start with Him, and end with Him. And then, yes, I really believe the signs, wonders and miracles will come. But it´s not built around that. It´s built on Him. I don’t know about you, but that´s how I want to live my life. Always choosing Him first, have Him as the center of my life. Whatever that might mean, and whatever that might look like. It might mean making some choices that are different, it might mean to get up a bit earlier just to spend some time with Him first thing in the morning, it might look like giving up something I really think I want… It might not always seem like the easy way, but in the end, I’m certain it’ll be the best way. Whatever it will be like, I want my prayer to be, today and every day: “Give me Jesus, only Jesus!”

Hjerteslag - om Jeremia og lovsang og sånn...

Jeg har tenkt mye på det med tekstene vi synger i lovsangen i det siste.  Og jeg må innrømme det, av og til synes jeg det er vanskelig å virkelig mene det jeg synger. Tekster som «Jeg vil gå dit Du går, hvor enn Du kaller hjelp meg å følge. Jeg vil se de Du ser, hvert knuste hjerteslag.» Skjønner jeg hva det innebærer om jeg virkelig mener det? Når jeg tenker over det, blir det ofte vanskelig å synge slike sanger. Jeg vil så gjerne mene det jeg synger, ikke bare synge noen fine tekster, men synge tekster med kraft i, og mene det.

Har lest en del i Jeremia, og for en mann!! Midt i et samfunn hvor alle andre profeterte om fremgang og seier og bare bra ting, gir Gud ham et budskap om straff, at de skulle overgi seg til fienden, så ville de få leve. Kanskje ikke så rart at han ikke ble veldig populær. Han ble kastet i en gjørmet brønn, han ble satt i gapestokk, i fengsel… likevel valgte han å gå på det Gud befalte ham, komme med det budskapet Gud gav ham, ikke bare si det folket og kongen ville høre.  Selv om det kostet ham alt. Han levde alene, og jeg er sikker på at han hjemme kranglet med Gud mange ganger, gjerne ville slippe å komme med budskapet som gjorde ham til en utstøtt. Det var bare han og Gud. Likevel var han villig til å gå på det Gud fortalte ham, det Gud befalte ham å si. Gud var virkelig nok for ham! Kan jeg si det samme?

«Jeg vil gå dit Du går» - hvor var det Jesus gikk? «Jeg vil se de Du ser» - hvem var det Jesus så, var det ikke alle de som alle andre støtte bort, de som ingen ville henge med. Han så enkeltmenneskene, ikke bare folkemengden. Han brydde seg om folk, Han så dem. Ser jeg de rundt meg? På jobb, skole, i nabolaget, i kirka... Vi som kristne burde jo være de som var best på å bry seg om hverandre, ta vare på hverandre. Det var jo det Jesus gjorde, og er det ikke nettopp det som er å være kristen? Bli så lik Jesus som mulig? Jeg kjenner at det utfordrer, masse! Å skulle synge slike sanger, «Gud, vis meg Din vilje, for dit Du går er også der jeg vil» Vil jeg egentlig det? Hvis jeg virkelig tenker meg om, hvis jeg skjønner hva det egentlig betyr? Hadde jeg vært like villig som Jeremia til å gi det budskapet han fikk å gi? Det å virkelig mene det jeg synger er ofte ubehagelig, ukomfortabelt, det krever offer.

Noen ganger trenger jeg å bli utfordret til å gå ut av komfortsonen for å gjøre det Gud vil jeg skal gjøre. Men av og til, har jeg funnet ut at det er greit å begynne der jeg er, med å ønske å mene det jeg synger, eller kanskje til og med ønske å ønske å mene det jeg synger, for av og til er det alt jeg klarer selv. Så får jeg stole på at Gud da kan gjøre som Han har lovet, å hjelpe meg med det jeg ikke klarer selv, «i styrke og svakhet…».

Gud, vekk opp mitt indre, så jeg kan lære å tenke som Deg

Gud, åpne opp mine øyne, så jeg ser hvem som trenger Deg gjennom meg

Jeg vil gå, dit Du går, hvor enn Du kaller, hjelp meg å følge

Jeg vil se de Du ser, hvert knuste hjerteslag

Gud, løs fri mine hender, så de kan gjøre det de var skapt til

Gud, vis meg Din vilje, for dit Du går er også der jeg vil

Jeg vil gå, dit Du går, hvor enn Du kaller, hjelp meg å følge

Jeg vil se de Du ser, hvert knuste hjerteslag

I styrke og svakhet min tilflukt er, min tilflukt er i Deg

Jeg vil gå, dit Du går, hvor enn Du kaller, hjelp meg å følge

Jeg vil se de Du ser, hvert knuste hjerteslag,

Kan finne håp i Deg

Thoughts on worship

I reread this piece by Mike Pilavachi in the “Heart of Worship Files” the other day, and it’s really challenged my thinking when it comes to worship. He starts with this question: “How many songs do we sing that are just about God and do not bring us into the story? How often is God not only the object but also the centre of our worship?” And since I read it, I’ve been analysing every worship song I’ve heard and sung.

I was leading worship a Sunday just after, and tried to find the songs that were all about Him, and man was that hard! So many of my favourite songs bring me into the story, the talk about God being MY help, MY refuge, when I feel this, He helps, when I, when I, when I… I’m not saying those songs are bad; not at all I really believe they have their place and purpose. But sometimes, and I think maybe more often than we do, we need to sing the songs that’s only about Him, that exalts His name, not for what He’s done and is doing for me, but just because He IS, because He’s worthy, cause that’s what worship is really about. He really is worthy, no matter how my circumstances are, or how I feel. Worship is not about me feeling good, but about bringing Him all glory, and worship, and honour, forever and ever!

Selah moments – a pause from reality

Today I’m leaving this place where the sea meets the sky and the warm waves hit the shore. I’ve got only one for day in this country where time seems to stand still, this country that has left a mark on me in so many ways.

It’s only been two weeks, but it feels so much longer. I think the women and children I’ve met here will be with me forever. They’ve taught me what Christianity really is about. These women with barely anything themselves, who are also sick like so many others around them, makes a stand and decides to do what they can to help the orphans and widows around them. How can we, their sisters in a country with almost everything, not stretch out our hand and help them the best we can?

Sometimes we need a selah-moment, a pause from our everyday life, a pause from our reality; to see the reality of others around us. But then it’s time to go back to my own reality, where I can really do something to make a difference for others.

Sometimes we need a pause from our own reality to be able to change it.

Daughter of a King

I know not everyone has been blessed to grow up with a father that truly loves them, and felt the love and the care of a father who wants the very best for you. I know I’m truly blessed. I know beyond doubt that my father loves me, that he would do whatever he could to help me. He’s the one who has taught me how to change the tires on my car, so that if I have to do so, I’ll be able to fix it, but still, every time it’s time to change them, he offers to do so for me. If I come to him and ask for ideas of how to fix something, he won’t only show me how, but he’ll most likely fix it for me. I know that if I’m in trouble, even if I’m the one causing it, and I go to him, he’ll go out of his way to try to help me. I know that if I’m hurt, my dad is in pain and would want to do whatever he could to fix it. But my dad is only human, there’s only so much he can do.

But God, the King, my Dad, loves me way beyond what anyone else is capable of. He wants only the best for me. And he’s always there. When I was on the other side of the planet, my dad couldn’t help me with everything, but my heavenly Father is always only a breath away. And if my earthly dad would go out of his way to help me fix my problems, how much more, wouldn’t my heavenly Dad?!? If I chose to go to Him with my problems, even if I’m the one making the mess, He will help me get through it. Yes, He might push me to do or say some things that might be hard for me to do, but I can trust that He will be there with me when I do so. If I trust in Him, instead of in myself, He will give me the wisdom to handle it, to go through it, and to come out stronger.

So, no matter what your earthly father is like, remember, you’re the daughter (or the son..) of a King, and He loves you so, so much. And He will help you through whatever it is you have to face, if only you’ll let Him… So walk tall and trust that your Dad, the King, is there with you!!

Finally back!!!! :)

Not sure how to start this, and it might not make much sense… just gotta try to sort out some thoughts… I’ve kinda realized a few things lately…

Firstly, think I’m starting to find my heartbeat again.. I’ve missed that for quite some time. It has felt like I was just getting by, not knowing why I did what I did anymore, and it was really wearing me out totally. Won’t say I’m totally back yet, but I’m so on my way, finally. Lately I’ve though a lot about the whole issue of injustice, poverty and stuff like that, and I’ve realized there’s really not much else that gets me fired up like that. We just had an election in Norway, and this brought up the thoughts in me again. And yes, I’ll be the first to agree that we do pay way more taxes than I like in this country and there’s a whole lot of things that could have been way better, and I would like a change in the government. But still, Norway is, and has been for many years, one of the richest countries in the world, and even though it’s far from perfect, I think it’s a really good place to live. No one needs to die of hunger here, you’ll get help if you really need it, and most of us have way more than we need (and maybe way more than what’s good for us…) Sometimes I think we’re just a bunch of selfish people up here. Where did our gratitude go? I’m just realizing again and again that I have so, so much to be grateful for, much of which can be summed up in one thing, I live in Norway! Don’t know about you, but I really needed a focus shift. It’s not really about me anyways…

Secondly, I’ve been reading a book called “the shack” (“skuret” in Norwegian, highly recommended!!!) And then I’ve been reading the first part of Hebrews 4 a lot lately. It started when I read it in the message last week, and some things just jumped out at me, and it’s been spinning in my head ever since… what jumped out at me was this thing about resting in Him. And I’m starting to realize that if I’m not resting, it actually means I’m not trusting in Him. A challenging thought, at least to me.. if I really trust in God, I won’t have to struggle to try to make things happen myself, I’ll rest in Him instead. This whole summer, at least the part when I’ve been at home, it’s been really difficult for me to take time to read my Bible, and pray and stuff like that. And I’ve been struggling a lot with that. Here I am, the worship leader, the youth leader, etc., and I can’t even seem to be able to spend time with God! At least not as much as I know I need. How then can I be the leader that I need to be? I’ve been struggling a lot, and I’ve known what I needed to do to snap out of it, but I can’t seem to be able to do it. And it’s been difficult. But then I read these things, and some other books, and I think that’s what started this line of thoughts… I came to a point when I finally could pick up my Bible and read, not because I knew I needed to, but because I wanted to be with Jesus, because I started to long for a deeper relationship with Him. I’ve heard things like this a thousand times before, but I think it’s finally starting to move down to my heart. Christianity is really not about me, about what I can do, about me being a good girl and read my four chapters in the Bible everyday and stuff like that. I can’t even manage to do that all by myself. It’s really all about Him, and being in a relationship with my God, my Dad, and my BEST FRIEND!!! He really is! When I really realize that it’s all about the relationship, I can pick up my Bible and read my four chapters in the Bible (at least most days…) but not because I’m being a good girl, just simply because I want to hang with my best friend, my Dad!! Then I can manage to rest in Him, trust Him to fix all these things that I’ve been trying to fix myself. And I’ve realized that lately, I’ve been more relaxed about a whole lot of things, and I’m finally being more me again, I’m starting to be the Maria that I like again, not this insane girl who reacts in ways that I don’t understand. And when I start to relax and just enjoy being me, and being with Him, everything else seems to fall more into place… Maybe it’s not been so much everyone else’s fault that things haven’t seemed to be in place, maybe it’s just been because I haven’t been resting in Him, trusting in Him… just a thought…

-maria-
Finally coming back.. 


Hebrews 4:1-13 (msg)
1-3For as long, then, as that promise of resting in him pulls us on to God's goal for us, we need to be careful that we're not disqualified. We received the same promises as those people in the wilderness, but the promises didn't do them a bit of good because they didn't receive the promises with faith. If we believe, though, we'll experience that state of resting. But not if we don't have faith. Remember that God said,

Exasperated, I vowed,
"They'll never get where they're going,
never be able to sit down and rest."

3-7God made that vow, even though he'd finished his part before the foundation of the world. Somewhere it's written, "God rested the seventh day, having completed his work," but in this other text he says, "They'll never be able to sit down and rest." So this promise has not yet been fulfilled. Those earlier ones never did get to the place of rest because they were disobedient. God keeps renewing the promise and setting the date as today, just as he did in David's psalm, centuries later than the original invitation:

Today, please listen,
don't turn a deaf ear . . .

8-11And so this is still a live promise. It wasn't canceled at the time of Joshua; otherwise, God wouldn't keep renewing the appointment for "today." The promise of "arrival" and "rest" is still there for God's people. God himself is at rest. And at the end of the journey we'll surely rest with God. So let's keep at it and eventually arrive at the place of rest, not drop out through some sort of disobedience.

12-13God means what he says. What he says goes. His powerful Word is sharp as a surgeon's scalpel, cutting through everything, whether doubt or defense, laying us open to listen and obey. Nothing and no one is impervious to God's Word. We can't get away from it—no matter what.

Thank you..

Okay, so in my procrastinating mode, pushing of my exam-reading... I really shouldn't take time to this now, but...

I was just listening to this song by Secret Garden, and when I heard the second verse it hit me.. "We have just one life to seize the day, We only have what time there is to say…"
Do the people in my life know how much they mean to me? Do they know how much I love them? What if something happened, and I'd never get the chance to tell them again? I think I would regret not taking the chance I got... so, this is to you, all the amazing people in my life, long lost friends, all of you I see everyday, all of you whom I wish I was better at staying in touch with, all of you who has influenced my life in ways you might never really understand the depth and importance of, all of you who in one way or another has shaped my life, challenged me, and been a part of making me the one I am today... I want you to know I love you, and I'm really greatful for the part you've had in shaping my life. To all of you who have been around for the not-so-good-days of my life, thanks for sticking by, helping me through, helping me see the truth. To all of you who have been there through the celebrations, thanks for celebrating with me. And to all of you who have been there through the normal, ordinary days, thanks for being the amazing friends you really are. I appreciate you more than words can say!!

This is to all of you!! THANK YOU!!!

If I lived to be a thousand years,
If I ruled the word – it’s hemispheres,
I could not repay the love you brought my way,
So, I want to say it now
To thank you for each day you gave me.

Thank you for the Mondays,
Saturdays and Sundays,
Everyday, the whole year through;
Thank you for the fun days,
All those number-one days,
Battles-to-be-won days, too;
I just want to say it,
Thank you for each day with…you.

We have just one life to seize the day,
We only have what time there is to say…
‘n’do what we must do, express our gratitude,
So, I want to say it and sing it now to you.

Thank you for the Mondays,
Saturdays and Sundays,
Everyday, the whole year through;
Thank you for the fun days,
All those number-one days,
Battles-to-be-won days, too;
I just want to say it,
Thank you for each day with…you.

At the close of every day,
When I close my eyes to pray,
All I need to do, is just to think of you…
Then, all I need to say…is…

Thank you for the Mondays,
Saturdays and Sundays,
Everyday, the whole year through;
Thank you for the fun days,
All those number-one days,
Battles-to-be-won days, too;
I just want to say it,
Thank you for each day with…you.

sometimes...

…I find it hard to try to live this picture perfect life of mine.
…I can’t seem to be able to live up to this perfect image of me that everyone has. Coz I know that couldn’t be further from the truth…
… I feel the picture crack, just because of some tiny thing that shouldn’t matter, not if I were the person everyone seems to believe I am anyways…

Really don’t know how to handle this. It always seems to come back to the same old things. It’s always the same things that make me fall, make the picture crack, and I can’t seem to be able to do something about it. Every time it seems as if I get a hold of things, and life seems to be great, it comes back, and I just don’t know how to change it, how to change me. I find a way of changing, and it falls away, somehow things doesn’t turn out the way I hoped, the way I wanted, the way I thought I needed them to.

… I feel like I’m just wearing a mask, hiding the real me from everyone else around me.
… I think I’m even tricking myself with this mask.

I’m tired, so tired of this mask, of doing this roundabout thing over and over again. I really can’t take it, can’t afford to do it anymore, but I have no idea of how to break out.

God, can You take this, can You fight this battle for me? Coz I don’t know how to fight it anymore…
All I know is that I need You, and that I need You bad, right now! Don’t know how to deal with this unless You promise You’ll be there with me.

…the perfect picture is breaking,
And sometimes… I think that’s a good thing…

busy life... :-)

Have soo been planning to get a blog-update out here for like forever… so figured, since I have the house all to myself, have just finished watching “Happy Feet” (yes, also, all to myself, with popcorn and everything… life is gooood…), and it’s still kinda too early to go to bed on a Friday night… this might just be the time to do it… so here we go…

Life’s been kinda busy, specially the last weeks, but it’s been great, weeks and weekends have gone by so fast, not too much time to rest, but that’s what we’re used to, hey? Started of a marathon three weeks ago with a weekend of work, preaching and worship leading, of to a new week of full-time work, and going to Oslo for a womens-conference the few days I had off from work the next weekend. It was so amazing. Realised when I went into the auditorium that this is just what I’ve been longing to see in Norway! I’ve seen it before, thousands of people (mostly women this time) gathered with one focus, Jesus! Was truly amazing!!! About 7000 women was gathered in “Spektrum” that Saturday, don’t know how many came forward during the altar-call, some hundred I guess, at least the space in front of the stage was packed… and I couldn’t hold my tears back. I soo needed to realise that this is actually possible here in Norway as well!!! What a day!!! The preaching from Anne Graham Lotz was just great, worship was static, there was an atmosphere in that room that I’ve missed big time!

Encouraged and refreshed I moved on to a new week of work, our big Norwegian Day on the 17th, when everyone is outside. Think it was the only day that week when it didn’t rain!!!God is just amazing!! But have to say, it’s nothing quite like it to celebrate that day outside of Norway… then, Trine and Adrian’s wedding on the 19th. Had a couple of aussie-friends from Oslo staying at my house, so great to hang with them again. Although it was raining (rain in the veil is supposed to mean good luck, isn’t it?) it was an amazing day. Trine was stunning (if possible, more than ever!!) Adrian looked so proud. Truly a great day! It was so good to see some aussie-people like Morten & Noemi and Kylie & James again too.

This weekend, I’m just gonna lead worship a couple of times at church, don’t have anything planned at all for Sunday, nice feeling… and then it’s back on again.. gonna preach at youth again next weekend… always a challenge, but it’s all good…

Hope you’re all doing well. Feel free to drop me a note, would love to hear from you!!

I’ll try to post some photo’s from the last weeks on here soon…

Till next time

-maria-

beltfight...

what can I say... boys will be boys...

What's the thing about boys and stuff like this???

Easter...

This Blood

Violently they grabbed his arms,
As they tightly strapped each wrist,
With a hellish look
stood a strong armed soldier,
Whip clenched in his fist,
Laced with chips of bone
they beat him hard,
From his shoulders to his feet,
And it sliced right through his olive skin,
Just like razors through a sheet,
Countless times the blood splattered,
As each in-human lash was given,
Several times his knees gave way,
As his flesh just hung like ribbons
And surprisingly he turned his head,
Though the words he used were few,
The soldiers face turned pale,
When he said “This blood is for you”,

Uncaringly they tossed a garment,
Across his weakened form,
And his blood pressure fell deathly low,
As the crowds began to swarm,
They forced him to carry his cross up-hill,
As his face they punched and smacked
All the splinters from the criss crossed beam
dug deep into his back
Through lack of sleep and dehydration,
His tongue began to swell,
And weakened by his loss of blood,
This prophet-teacher fell,
When he did some blood splattered
On a man named Simons shoe,
As he bent to wipe it off,
The prophet looked and said
“Simon this blood is for you”,

This blood can save a soul,
Heal the sick, mend a heart,
This blood can give you access,
To the very throne of God,
And it still can go the distance,
Through the pain to where you are,
This blood is for you,
The blood of the lamb,

Then they pounded a spike,
Through the bones in his wrists,
Bursting arteries, and veins
And as they dropped the cross in the hole they dug
His body convulsed with pain
Through an agony and torment
That never a soul shall find
He tilts his face towards heaven
With full control of his mind
With more love then any human heard
Before that time or since
He made a statement that to this day
Makes the strongest skeptic wince,
He cried“Father, God forgive them
for they not what they do.”
And as he gave his life for those lost in sin
He was saying
“This blood is for you!”

This blood can save the soul,
Heal the sick, mend the heart,
This blood can give you access,
To the very throne of God,
And it still can go the distance,
From the pain to where you are,
This blood is for you,
(If you’re lost and alone, and your mind is confused)
This blood is for you,
(If you feel like you have been hurt and abused)
This blood is for you,
The Atoning cleansing blood of the Lamb

This blood can save the soul,
Heal the sick, mend the heart,
This blood can give you access,
To the very throne of God,
And it still can go the distance,
From the pain to where you are,
This blood is for you,
The blood of the lamb,

This Blood is for you,
The Blood of the Lamb.

Things to spice up your life...

Oki... stole this from Sarah, but I have seen it before so think she stole it from somewhere as well. Hopefully I'll be forgiven... Would be so much fun to try out some of these sometime...

1) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”.

5) Put decaf in the coffee makes for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their addictions,switch to espresso.

6) In the memo field of all your checks, write “for smuggling diamonds”

7) Finish all your sentences with “in accordance with the prophecy…”

8) Don’t use any punctuation.

9) As often as possible skip rather than walk.

10) Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face

11) Specify that your drive-through order is “to-go”.

12) Sing along at the opera.

13) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme

14) Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15) Five days in advance, tell your friends your can’t attend their party because you’re not inthe mood

16) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.

17) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I won, I won!”

18) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, “run for your lives, they’re loose!!”

19) Tell your children over dinner, “due to economy crisis, we are going to let one of you go.”

20) And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity…pass this on. A smile is good therapy!

round and round....

It's funny how sometimes I feel like I'm just going around in circles, round and round... Feels like the same things I went through some time ago, suddenly come back... Having one of those times now, and found this... wrote it beginning of last year, but think I could just as well have written it now...

my psalm...
God, I'm tired of crying myself to sleep for reasons I just want to leave behind,
but cannot seem to do,
reasons I don't want to dwell on for a second anymore,
but they always keep spinning in my head.
I'm tired of feeling out of place, wanting to go home,
but wandering what there is to go home to...
Where do I belong?
Where is home?
Thought that was supposed to be somewhere safe,
somewhere I could hide from everything...
But I cannot run away from my mind, can I?

Sometimes I'm wandering why You created me the way You did.
Is it just me struggeling like this;
with my thoughts, my insecurities,
the feeling of being left alone, rejected,
unfairly treated, and totally out of place?
I'm just so sick of it all, but no matter what I do,
I don't seem to be able to run away from it.
Feel like I need something, but don't know what it is.
I want to know where I belong.

I know that You're all I need,
and the answer to it all.
And the only time I actually feel safe, is when I'm with You.
But sometimes it would just be so good to have something...
I don't know...
I can't really put words on it, I just sometimes feel so out of place, so lonely...
I look around me and everyone else seem to get everything I've ever longed for.
I know it's wrong to compare someone else's outside with my inside,
but I just cannot help myself!

God, what the heck am I doing here?
Can you please show me again?
Give me my reason to go through this,
coz I seem to have forgotten...


From my thinker head...

photo's #3

more grad pictures...

Morten and me...













Kudzy and me... Another of my amazing kids-team friends...







Marilyn and me. Marilyn is the principal at the Hills campus, she was also my vocal-teacher my first year.






Claire and Dave. You'll get one guess... Where's Dave from???











Just had to put this one in here as well... one of those in-between-all-the-photo's pictures...
Adrian, Trine, Katie, Adam, Noemi, Morten and Anders




Trine and Katie.
Honestly don't know what I'd do without these girls!! They're just simply amazing!!






Noemi and me. (yup... more pictures of me... for once I actually got lots of photos of myself...)
She's one of those people I got to know this year, and now I can't imagine life without her... She's just the best!


Maaike and me. She's another one of my amazing kids-team people (like I've said.. there's heaps of them...) Had the priveleg of being in the same leadership group as her this year as well... Good times...

photo's #2

Here are some more photo's...

This is a lizzard Gudrun found in our kithchen one day. To read more about that story check out Liz Fluffydust at Gudrun's blog. Trust me, it's worth reading...




Another day at the beach... At Manly again this time... Annette and Audun was playing volleyball, and Audun had some close contact with the sand...






Annette...












And then... The graduation dinner... More photo's to come...

Sarah and Iain, some of my favourite people at kids (yes, there's heaps of them...)







Christina, Cathrin, Veronca and me...








Gudrun and Brendon. Have had the great privelege to live with Gudrun this year, she's just amazing!!






Tabitha, (and I just can't remember right now... I'll get back to it...)







Don't think I'll try here... Christina (in the pink dress) and her girls...







Annette and Kirsty. Annette is another of my amazing house mates from this year...








Danielle... on our way to the dinner...

photo's #1

Here's finally some photo's... starting with my birthday.. over 2 months ago... this has really taken forever... :-)











So, like I've said before, we started the day off with a pancake breakfast at Bondi (photo on the left), and lunch at Max Brenner (on the right) I tried their waffles with strawberries and chocolate, SOOO good!!!

And the back of the car was full of balloons... flying around since the windows were open... Kristin and I was having a hard time trying to make sure they didn't fly to the front.. (and isn't this just a beautiful photo of me... lol...)



Then... one of the highlights of my year, I think... Monday the 13th of November (the last week before all my assignments were due, probably not the best week to do this, but who knows when I'll get the chance again?) U2 at Telstra Stadium... It was just amazing!! Went there with Fabiola (photo), Noemi, Sindre, Morten, Gudrun, Kristina and Ribekka. Had a great time, even though I was standing for hours and hours... even before U2 entered the stage...

Bono is actually in this shot... just in case you're wondering... :-)

One Sunday afternoon we had a barbecue with the kids worship team. Great hang out time with the gang before I'm leaving... Sophie has a pool and the guys had a lot of fun trying to walk on water... (or bodyboards...) I spent most of the time at the other end of the pool trying to get some good pictures...

The Sunday after we had Thanksgiving, not that many of us this time, but great anyways... Most of us were non-americans and had never celebrated thanksgiving before.. Good times, and lots and lots of food!!

Had a 'vafle og svele'-party with some of the norwegians before we all started leaving. Danniebelle and Trine is being sad because Trine is leaving soon...

Changes...

Firstly, promise there'll be some more pictures here soon. Had some problems uploading them to the blog, and I don't have access to them at the moment, but they'll be around shortly... :-)

So, thought I should get you all up to date with things again, there's been a few changes in my life since the last blog. Right now I'm sitting in my bed in Norway. Came back last Monday, about 1 1/2 week ago. Have to say, last week when the lightening was flashing like crazy, and the rain was drumming on the windows (because it basically was a bigtime storm outside...), and you could barely see the sun all week, since it's just out for a few hours a day at this time anyways, and when it was, the sky was covered with storm clouds... well, at that time, I kinda regretted leaving the summer in Sydney... But besides that, coming back has been good. Was great to see my family again. My oldest niece, Emilie, met me at the airport, even though it was way past her bedtime. She had been so exited she could hardly go to kindergarden that day because she was going to meet me at the airport. Her mum (my sister) tried to explain that I didn't come untill later. So, when I was delayed (because I lost my plane in Oslo because the plane left late from Heathrow... wow, delays in London, what a surprise!!!) there was no way she was not going out there anyways... She ended up spending the night at my place coz she would be too tired for kindergarden the day after anyways. Her little sister, Anna, wasn't even 1 when I left, so she was a bit shy when she first met me, guess it's hard for a 2 year old to understand that i'm the one she's been talking on the phone to and stuff...

It's kinda weird being here, but at the same time, it feels so normal... Going from the busy Hillsong life to this don't-even-have-a-job-at-the-moment life is quite a change. Have a hard time getting anything done these days, because it's so easy to push it of... hmm, not good... Will be good to start doing something again...

I'll try to get out some photos of the last months in Sydney soon!

Birthday, Men’s Conference, U2, assignments, Encounter Week, grad, beach…

(Photos will be added...)
Think that pretty much sums up my life since my last blog entry. Know, it’s been a while, sorry about that.

So, today is the 1st of December and I’m on my way to the beach!! How crazy is that! (So obviously, I’m typing this in later; I’m not bringing my laptop to the beach) The 1st day of summer (or winter, depending on where you’re at…) and I have about 9 days left of this before I’m heading back to Norway… It’s exciting (doesn’t really feel like it’s close to Christmas when it’s over 30 degrees...), but realise more and more that I’m actually leaving. Starting to say goodbye to people, it’s sad, but guess that’s a part of life…

So, what’s happened since my last blog-update?
Well, my birthday was in October, and since we had that week off, we headed off to Bondi. The girls had filled the back of the car with balloons. Quite interesting when we were driving with open windows… lol… had a pancake breakfast at Bondi, and then headed to Manly for a little shopping and a Max Brenner lunch… yeah… really healthy eating that day!!! (For those of you that don’t know… Max Brenner is a chocolate bar, and so worth a visit if you ever find one!!) Ended the day with W&CA rehearsal and chocolate cake with my life group there…

The end of the term came, as usual, way too quickly, with lots of assignments and other stuff to do. 2nd weekend in November then Men’s Conference was on, it’s the shortest conference of all of them, starts Friday night and ends Saturday night… I was on outdoor excellence Saturday morning, basically picking garbage & emptying bins… almost frightening to walk through crowds of thousands of men…

With some long nights the last week, all the assignments got in on time (and I passed all of them! Woohoo!!!) After all the assignments were handed in, we had one more week of college, encounter week, with great speakers coming in; it was a really good week. Yesterday was the graduation dinner. When everyone got dressed up. So much fun. Don’t see everyone dressed like that the rest of the year, so it’s a lot of fun and al lot of photos… Had a great time! Next thing is the graduation ceremony on Monday night. After that, I just have to finish of my packing, say the last goodbyes, before the plane takes off in 9 days… Besides the fact that there are too many goodbyes between now and then, it will be some good days…