It's funny how sometimes I feel like I'm just going around in circles, round and round... Feels like the same things I went through some time ago, suddenly come back... Having one of those times now, and found this... wrote it beginning of last year, but think I could just as well have written it now...
my psalm...
God, I'm tired of crying myself to sleep for reasons I just want to leave behind,
but cannot seem to do,
reasons I don't want to dwell on for a second anymore,
but they always keep spinning in my head.
I'm tired of feeling out of place, wanting to go home,
but wandering what there is to go home to...
Where do I belong?
Where is home?
Thought that was supposed to be somewhere safe,
somewhere I could hide from everything...
But I cannot run away from my mind, can I?
Sometimes I'm wandering why You created me the way You did.
Is it just me struggeling like this;
with my thoughts, my insecurities,
the feeling of being left alone, rejected,
unfairly treated, and totally out of place?
I'm just so sick of it all, but no matter what I do,
I don't seem to be able to run away from it.
Feel like I need something, but don't know what it is.
I want to know where I belong.
I know that You're all I need,
and the answer to it all.
And the only time I actually feel safe, is when I'm with You.
But sometimes it would just be so good to have something...
I don't know...
I can't really put words on it, I just sometimes feel so out of place, so lonely...
I look around me and everyone else seem to get everything I've ever longed for.
I know it's wrong to compare someone else's outside with my inside,
but I just cannot help myself!
God, what the heck am I doing here?
Can you please show me again?
Give me my reason to go through this,
coz I seem to have forgotten...
From my thinker head...
3 comments:
You are absolutely amazing....
this psalm is magnificent.. sometimes its good to just scream.. to just say "HEY GOD.. WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!" and you know what, He actually answers.. not necesarily in the way you expect, and often in the most subtle ways too.. but know that God knows and He loves you - you're His WARRIOR PRINCESS DAUGHTER - remember!!!
i love you.. not just because you're smart, clever, funny, cool, but because you are my friend!!!
i lovelovelove you
Oh, how I recognise this....What can I say? All I know is that God can be trusted, and that the best you can do is to come to him with your thoughts, like you are doing.
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