drifting...

A few years back I was reading this thing in Jeremiah that I’ve read so many times before. But this time it kinda jumped out at me, and it felt as if God was giving me a promise. The time went on, and I didn’t see it fulfilled, but somehow I was still sure, this was a promise from God, for me, for this time. Have you ever been there? You can’t really tell how, but you just know. Then just after New Year’s about a year ago, being tired of the wait, of feeling lost, and wanting to really be able to move on, I got this feeling, that I really believed was from God; “next New Year’s Eve I’ll be able to look back at the year and point out the exact time the fulfillment of that promise came”. And, as always, I had my ideas of what it would look like, and how that would happen.

A year has passed, and when NYE came this last year, I really could look back at the year, and point out when, if not the total fulfillment of that promise came, at least the start of the process of getting there. But I have to admit, it didn’t look anything like what I hoped, or even wanted a year ago. The truth is; if I had known what it would look like, I might not even have wanted it…

Over the years, in trying to be someone else than who I really was, because I thought that was who someone else wanted me to be, I lost parts of who I am. It’s so easy, to drift away, without even noticing it. Until you suddenly find yourself at a place where you don’t recognize yourself, and you’re not even sure where or when you got lost. If you’ve ever been there, you know that’s a hard place to be, you’re just feeling lost and out of place. For me, it made it hard to trust, and my heart grew harder. But I just love the way God times everything just perfect. Using the right place and the right people, he started to soften my heart. And at the exact right time, when, even though you don’t know yourself, you’re ready, He touches your heart, and, what you might not have wanted a while ago, you now realize is what you really need. And you start to find yourself again. For me, I see it in the small things, like the fact that it takes nothing to move my heart and make me cry (which might not always be fun, especially not when you’re on stage, and have to stay there for at least one more song, before you can get off to check if your makeup is all over your face…), or the fact that I once again take time to really enjoy watching our Norwegian winter sports athletes, even outside the big events like the Olympics or, like recently, the World Championship. Yeah, I might sometimes still try to please everyone, but I know more who I really am.

So, wherever you find yourself, be true to who you are, don’t try to be someone else just to impress someone, or because you think that’s what they want (yeah, there might be things we need to change about ourselves, but that’s not what I’m talking about now…) Be yourself, the beautiful self that God created you to be. And if you, like me, suddenly find yourself somewhere where you don’t know how to get back, give it to God; He is able to help you find your way back, no matter how far you’ve drifted. Only there can you once again move forward in the right direction, into all the new and amazing (and sometimes scary) things God has planned for you. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11, btw, read all the way from verse 1-14, it’s quite amazing to read it in context... I might write something on that someday as well…)